Returning to the theme of making things difficult for ourselves. The family has been home today while My Dear Husband (MDH) worked finishing up my back porch, which I now have to call “the sun room.” He’s working with a friend and when they are at it, laying floor and trimming out things, life is mostly upheaval. I’ve picked up a bit, made meals, and changed Thing #2’s pants a couple times, but for the most part I’ve just bounced around wondering what I should be doing.
It’s a new phenomenon for me. There’s nothing much on my list that I’m that interested in doing and I gave myself permission to just let things go for a day. It helped that I was up until 1:00 a.m. last night finishing up a couple assignments for my classes, so the morning started really slow and I just never really got in gear. I think the really important thing is allowing for the idea that you don’t have to push all the time. Becoming comfortable with that change in perspective is taking a little bit of time.
I think one aspect of me making my own life difficult was expecting too much of myself. The expectations just built and built until they were completely unrealistic. It’s like taking hyper-vigilance to the extreme. When you let the steam off the loss of that pressure is as uncomfortable as the stress was itself. I just keep looking at my planner and reassuring myself that everything is OK and that I am doing what needs to be done.
Taking care of yourself is one of the hardest parts of having special needs children. So much of your energy goes into meeting their needs, but it is important to allow yourself time and space to recharge. Part of me beginning to master this lifestyle is learning to pace myself. It’s not entirely comfortable, but when I get this lesson learned it will definitely have been worth it.
Hey baby, good stuff today! It’s kind of like journaling in front of the whole world, isn’t it? Keep it going. It’s good for your soul even if three people read it.
Superbe blog, qui transpire la passion à l’état pur… Ammamaria Law Phionna
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